Without Words...

Tonight I am beside myself. Very rarely do I find myself without words, but I am. I do not know how to share this news that I so desperately need to share. This afternoon, our beloved dog Captain died. I wish I had a more eloquent way to put it. I very much want to share with you how much we loved him and what a big part of our lives he was, but I cannot find the right words. He was seven years old and today when I got home from picking Reagan up from pre-school I found him on the kitchen floor. There was a trail of poop and blood on the floor and what looked like vomit. I immediately called the vet and they said to bring him in. I was there in 15 minutes tops and by the time I got there he was almost gone. He was limp and lethargic and had a very low body temperature. He was barely breathing and his heart rate was slowed. They tried to figure out what was happening to him, but it was all happening too fast. Within 45 minutes of arriving at the clinic he was gone. Chris and I were both with him and the vet assured us that he was not suffering. We were able to say goodbye and so were the kids. I'm not sure they completely understand what happened. How can I explain it to them when I don't understand it myself. I just wish I knew why, or what had happened? The vet said the most likely scenario is that he had a tumor that burst or a blood clot that broke off. She said that it was nothing that I did or did not do, but I just keep going over and over it in my head. I thought maybe if I wrote this post it would help me get some closure.

Here is Cappy a few months ago...

Chris and I got Captain the October after we were married. When I brought him home Chris said he was the ugliest dog he had ever seen. Just imagine that big tongue hanging out of a tiny puppy mouth. He was a teacup chihuahua, but it didn't take him very long to get pretty fat. Even still he only weighed 5 lbs. He was like a baby to us for a year and he went everywhere with me. At the time we had 2 dogs. Tinkerbell has since gone to live with my mom because she isn't so good with little kids. When I was pregnant with Reagan, Chris wanted to name her Morgan. I said there was no way we were going to have a dog named Captain and a daughter named Morgan! Right after Reagan was born Cappy started getting sick. It turned out that he had a problem with his spine and the doctors recommended that we put him to sleep. We refused to give up on him and found a doctor who would perform the surgery. They took a piece of bone from his hip and fused it onto his 2nd vertebrae. It took him a few months to recover but then he was as good as new. He adjusted to the kids so well and they could pull on him and pet him as much as they wanted. He particularly liked visitors because they tended to fuss over him since he was so little. He could always coax an extra treat out of some of Chris' friends. He was my first baby, back before I knew what it was like to have kids. Today I couldn't have imagined being more upset if he was my actual child. He was the best dog anyone could have asked for and we will miss him so much!